Adult Children and Parental RESPECT!
Let me start by saying this: For as long as I can remember, I have always been very passive. It wasn’t and isn’t the most constructive ways to live, but it has always worked for me. I do not make it my business to get into arguments or fights with people. That has never been and will never be what I do. My passiveness allows me to carry myself in a way that gives no one any reason to speak ill of me. I chose to be well-behaved, respectful, and seemingly relaxed. In other words: I chose to be a goody-two-shoes.
Here is the downfall of being passive. People take your relaxed disposition and they run with it. Being passive leads people to believe that you can be walked all over and disrespected. Now, I did not start reacting to other peoples’ behavior until I was in my late teen years. By then, I had harbored all the rage from the silence that I spent years hiding behind, and became highly aggressive to my peers. Amongst my group of friends- they thought I was “snapping” or borderline psychotic. I realized that I needed to dial it back a bit, because they did nothing to deserve my anger.
This brings me to my next point. People who do deserve my anger... My parent! Specifically my mother!
Now, before I delve into the topic of those deserving my anger- please understand that I do in fact love my parents, no matter what I tend to say otherwise. They are two mostly amazing people who have always done and continue to do what they could and can to provide for me. I appreciate that they are in my life because I know a lot of people cannot say the same. I have been blessed with living in a two-parent household without drugs, alcohol, or profanity (At least not in English because I do not know how to curse in my language). However, there comes a time when parents need to sit back and let their children be who they are and do what they see fit to do for themselves. My parents, especially my mother, cannot seem to get off my back.
This evening, I got into a minor argument with my mother over a prescription that I was supposed to pick up for myself. Short background, I let her know that my Hematologist prescribed it because my lab results weren’t desirable considering my condition. (I have Sickle Cell Anemia. Different topic for another day!) Anyways, I forgot to go pick up the script and she gets mad because I spent my afternoon out. She is upset and gets an attitude because apparently I can go out to peoples’ houses, but I can’t remember something that is important. Now to any other person, this sounds like a basic argument that is not worth the energy. Difference is- when you are of Haitian descent, the proportion that your parents blow things out of are astronomically unnecessary. I was not about to start with her and ruin my mood, so I shut my door in her face. (Now I know my fellow good-Haitian-children just spit out their drinks on that!)
I tell my mother this too often for her to not have it ingrained in her memory by now. Yes, I am YOUR child, but I am NOT A child. Do not speak to me as if you have lost your common sense. I do not make it a habit of disrespecting you so do not disrespect me! I would like to think that this is a reasonable request an ADULT child can make of their parents. Respect should be mutual. It had to be given before it’s learned and reciprocated. As they are before me- I have to learn the action from them first. If they feel as though I have no sense, maybe they should look at themselves. Save the bullshit for something that actually garners the attention, time, and effort worth arguing about. Besides, if the prescription was that important and I needed it in order to continue to live- then I would’ve gotten it.
It’s the principle. Parents should respect that their adult children are capable of making decisions for themselves. Contrary to their belief- we can manage!
What do you wish your parents respected your decision(s) on?