Spring Cleaning: Life Edition, Pt.1
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post titled, "When It’s Time to Let Go." I had written about my experience with my ex-boyfriend who is also a close friend of mine. (Yes, you read correctly. Emotionally mature adult can be friends with a former partner. It’s not that difficult. I digress.) To date- We have known one another for about 8 years. At least 4 and a half of those years were spent on and off. Truthfully, our relationship was better when we were free of the constraints of "titles." I had expressed that I was both mad and relieved that he finally felt comfortable enough to admit that he was vying for the attention for another female. Now, I know normally we, (as women), want men to be lonely and suffer, but I truly wanted him to find happiness... Just in another person. I couldn’t handle the possible pressures of re-opening that chapter in our lives. At least not emotionally anyways. Needless to say- be careful what you wish for, because it might just come true!
Now, on the same note- I want to elaborate on the topic. Just to get an idea of the time frame that I want to explain- Today is Palm Sunday. In 7 days it will be Easter. In 7 days I aspire to have finished clearing the clutter! Both emotionally and literally. Jesus rose from the dead on Easter and I will rise from what has had me feeling equally locked in a tomb.
So, let me set the scene: I have been cleaning my room since Friday night. I should’ve been out with my friends partying and not having a care in the world, however, the way my life is set up-its crunch time in the semester and I have assignments piling up due to procrastination. That explains why I was home on the first place. Now, I still live with my parents, (Haitian Kid Problems! Story for another day!), and I have the third/smallest bedroom. The thing is- the amount of crap that I had accumulated in this small space was astronomical. I mean, in my sorting, there were things from years ago. The farthest being from about 9 years ago. I try to deep clean my room multiple times a year, but I'm an EMOTIONAL HOARDER! Things that have sentimental value to me get tucked away in my closet or dresser to be forgotten. Not forgotten in the sense that I forget that they exist, but forgotten in the sense that I know they are there and it gives me comfort. Therefore making it unnecessary to see every day.
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In my quest to clear the clutter, I stumbled upon a picture from my 1st boyfriend from when I was 15 years old. I texted my best friend because he was her brother. She loves me but she is hideously annoyed by the existence of her sibling. I mean, aren’t we all? [Insert comical eye roll.] She was the one that gave me the picture. So when I text her about it, I told her that I was shocked that I found it in the 1st place- considering that the relationship between her brother and myself went south very fast. I was so sure that he cheated, but I was never able to prove it. It took 2 years after for me to have a breakdown about it because something someone had said to me. In any event, she told me to throw it out! I said I would, but I didnt, but now reflecting on it- I will rip it up as soon as I get home.
While rummaging through the abyss, I found things from my relationship with the ex-boyfriend I mentioned in the beginning. I found myself smiling internally and outwardly. I felt emotions swirl inside me from looking at old love letters, pictures, ticket stubs… [Insert the WTF facial expression here!] What was I doing? I was adding kindling to the dying flame. It was over and it needed to stay that way. This is when I knew that it was time to throw it all away. No more harboring “feel-good” emotions because it enabled the fear I was avoiding. The fear of having to start over with someone new. The fear of not having someone familiar that I know will always have a place in their heart for me. The fear of being alone. But that’s just it- I have been alone and I currently am alone. Look at me living and shit. I’m perfectly fine without a safety net and it’s time to let go and see what the world (of like, love, lust), has to offer.
So in going along with this season of change, clean the clutter out of your life, heart, and soul. Take a new step forward and relish in the air of freedom and opportunity. Not only is my room cleaned, my heart is too. It might take more than a few days to get my life together but I know I will get there and I know you will too!
As always, stay BEAUTIFUL inside, outside, sideways, and always!